Friday, September 5, 2014

David Lean..

.. did it again. Lawrence of Arabia, Doctor Zivago and today I watched Ryans Daughter.

Wonderfully shot, intricate and so very delicate. Loved it.

Watch it online here and here.

Thursday, August 28, 2014

Light in Pongging

A project started by a friend to which I made a tiny contribution is seeing the light of the day.

Feli, one of my fathers student started this project in a remote village in the North East of India where they dont have any electricity as of today, and put forward a proposal for building a little sustainable energy hydro power project which will light up that tiny village. The total estimated cost of the project was surprisingly small, standing just at 3000 GBP, and she and her husband raised it with the help of friends, family and well wishers.

Just today she emailed me with some updates from the progress.. They haven't quite got there, but they are on their way, and it made me feel so nice to just visualize happy faces 'lit' up even when the sun goes down in Pongging..

Life amazes me at every step, it ensures we don't lose the humility to realize that no matter how dark our own lives seem to us, there is some real darkness in addition to other problems that people in other parts of the same world need to deal with -- lots of what seem to just be based on where they were born -- on which no one has any control. The baby of Pongging could have been born at the white house, or in the Ambani household and her life would have been completely different...

We are nothing but a tiny speck in this humongous world with just one gift -- of being able to give -- give love, wealth, smiles, shoulder, forgiveness, good wishes, kindness ... give whatever you can ...

To be fair, most people I know do give or at least have the desire to give, and as my new friend (actually just the other day, he called me his little sister :-)), Gino says, 'we were all born angels, but the world changed us.. And we should protect ourselves from becoming little devils .. because when we sleep, we want to sleep knowing that we made someone smile and that helps us sleep better.'

To be honest, every now and then I start sulking and massively indulge in self pity, while the truth is that if I cant be at peace with what I have and hold, I probably rightly don't deserve it.


Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Monday, July 28, 2014

If I ever have a child..

.. can s/he be like Alex.. Puhleeezz..

Another fabulous film.. Its German again, 'Good Bye Lenin.'

Sunday, July 27, 2014

An East Meets West....

... Song

Brilliant Film and cute song.. Wish I had the patience to translate the lyrics to english... :-)

Particularly find the push up scene towards the end damn hot!


Daniel wapels


Felt like a teenager when I saw Daniel Waples at Borough Market the other day.... Have worked on numerous designs and calmed myself to sleep many times listening to his tunes, next time if I am lucky to see him again, I must say thanks. 

One of my current favorite here

Downfall

I love films, and anyone who knows me knows for a fact that a great film gets the weak side of me; it comes second only to the special people (and animals) in my life.

Since the last few week, my enthusiasm to get out and about is a massive low, and so once again, I have taken refuge to films.

Googled a list of top foreign language films and found many that interest me, one amongst them was 'Downfall'.

Downfall is a German film directed by Oliver Hirschbiegel. Set in 1945, this film shows the final days of Adolf Hitler when Berlin was on fire by the Red Army. The film reveals some very disturbing realities of behavioral extremes.

While the full film had many interesting stories in it, however I will mention about two events -- one that I thought was most brutal, and the second that I thought was most bizarre.

The brutal first, the film showed that one of Hitlers loyalist, Joseph Goebbels, a politician in Nazi Germany and close aide of Hitler moved his wife and his 6 children to Hitlers bunker days ahead of the final surrender. His wife, Magda Goebbels, the mother of their 6 young children brutally poisoned each of her children herself, one at a time -- because she did not believe in a future that was not National Socialist and a world without Hitler was not good enough for her children. After poisoning and murdering her children, they both kill themselves. Hitler, before committing suicide himself, presents Mrs Goebbels with a tie pin with the Swastika, and says to her 'You are Germanys bravest mother'. My heart shuddered when I assimilated what I saw -- how can a mother, under whatever spell she may be in, murder her children in cold blood, one at a time. How hard must it be for anyone to do that, let alone a mother. Which then gives me a feel of the often talked about hypnotic influence Hitler had on his people. The fuhrer had created such extreme dependency on himself, that the very thought of not having his leadership rendered the world 'not good enough' in the eyes of his followers who then gave up their lives and killed their loved ones under the firm belief that what awaits them in the future was not even worth giving a chance.

The strange incident now, Hitler got married. Thats not all that strange, what makes it strange is that he got married to Eva Braun a day before they committed suicide together. What can one make of this act? The fact that marriage has always been seen as the 'honor' one can give to a man-woman relationship? That behind the ruthless dictator, there was a man who loved a woman, and wanted to express his love in the last few hours of his life? Maybe even for the sake of history? Whatever the reasons were, one thing is for sure that at the end, every person goes back to basics and wants to hold what's dear to them.

I did not think the marriage was romantic or even necessary at that point, however the fact that Eva chose to stand by the man she loved was painfully romantic when seen without the context of the kind of person Hitler was. And that reinforces the belief, that Hitler did have something special about himself, otherwise you can't explain the loyalty of thousands of Germans even when he had lost all power and dedication could not have been forced.

In the end it doesnt matter how many people left you or committed treason, what matters is who is still with you. The other truth I re learnt is about hope -- whilst under extreme stress and pressure, people lose their ability of rightful judgement, at the same time, most people want to keep the ray of hope alive, no matter how unrealistic that hope is.

The film was wonderful, and I found it online with English subtitles, I am not a big fan of the copyright act, but that aside, I think online viewing is legal as long as you are not downloading and distributing.

If you are interested to watch the film, you can find it here.





Sunday, June 15, 2014

Love beyond borders..

Man divides, nature unites. 

I met Hareem today. She is from Karachi, and i am from india; and we meet for the first time today in London. The person who introduced us, never really met her.. And today I did. What odds of that happening!

It was such a wonderful experience. I realise each time I meet people from our subcontinent that we have a unique and special concept of love and bond. Our definition of affection and love transcends borders, time, formula, wealth, history and gender.

We are a truly unique and strange lot. People who don't suffer from the plague of the restrictions of attiquette and manners. We seamlessly overcome the hems and boundaries of our political division, leap what's commonly considered 'appropriate' and settle into informal honest relationships. That's IndoPak for you.


It sometimes feels that the 'right' way more often than not restricts and limits people from reaching out and exposing their true desires and feelings.

It did not take me and hareem to feel like we know each other since years and love and accept each other in our lives. She gave me her own used kajal (kohl) and her stole and I gave her mine. They are all used. They carry our scent and that's what makes it special. The fact that in our first ever meeting we exchanged parts of each other. 

We had some heart to heart conversations, laughed about the weird ways of our countries, grieved about how lovely a dream of 1 nation could've been and then rejoiced about meeting and loving each other.

In midst of all this I thank my little circle of friends who helped me meet all these lovely people in the world.

We face lots of lonliness and pain and deceit in our lives; and we also have moments of love, affection, friendship and wonder. To each their own, but for me, my life's endeavour is to embrace people in my life and share smiles and warmth. It's a short life, will be over before we know it. 

Long back I read a book, it's headline was - 'who will cry when you die'. If you have even a handful, consider yourself lucky. 

Some photos from this evening.


Thursday, June 5, 2014

Off late..

.. I seem to think I am much older than what I really am.

In my head I am constantly thinking that I am somewhere around 35 already .. It really takes me a good couple of seconds to remind myself of my true age.

Wonder if I feel tired and hence old, or I just want to quickly get there..

Saturday, May 17, 2014

One from the archives ...

A couple of days back I watched a video where Salman Rushdie had put a very interesting question and his take on the question.

He says that he is in agreement with the popular belief restated by Arndhati Roy on numerous occasions about the cause of the rapid increase in terrorism that the world has seen in the past decade -- that terrorists are born out of injustice. However, Rushdie goed forward to ask a very mind boggling question, that if today injustice the was no longer done on minority communities such as the Muslims, and the global war on terror is stopped, would organisations like Jaish e Mohammad, or the LeT or Al-Quaida cease to exist? He goes on saying that per him, these groups are also about establishing power and superiority. Its about taking the modern world back to the medivial times.

Later in the week, I met a Kashmiri friend of mine who is aware of the ground realities of the very troubled and vulnerable valley. When I talked about what Rushdie had to say, he actually did support his views. He did also agree that the fanatic religious groups were actually also feeding their secret desire to command the world. Kashmir is a land where Sufi Islam is practiced and believed in, so the very characteristic of Kashmiri Muslims is that of peace and love and music. In contrary to the islam taliban sort of groups propagate.

It amazes me how the greed of power can drive people into extreme violence -- I wonder what will make them happy.. what kind of world are they desiring.

Not cornering islamic fundamentalism, I just don't understand any fundamentalism .. I was surprised to see a documentary made by a friend, 'The world before her' which uncovered rhetoric hindu fundamentalistic ideas being indoctrinated into the mind of young girls..



Allergic to NaMo ..

Indians seem to have gone bonkers with Modi hysteria on social media. While I think it's time to maintain 2 minutes of silence to mourn the death of secularism and equality. Don't want to be a part of the agenda of making or calling india a Hindu nation. Makes me sick.... I will struggle to not take my friends support of NaMo too personally. 

Monday, May 5, 2014

Landan











Har kisi nu mukammal Jahan Nahi Milda


insane..

हाजी लोक मके नू जांदे
मेरा राँझा माहि मक्का, नी मैं कम्लिया।

पढ़ पढ़ इल्म हज़ार किताबां,
कदी अपने आप नु पढ़ियाँ नहीं।
जा जा वर्दे  मंदर मसीती,
कदी मन अपने विच् वर्या नहीं।।

ऐंवे लड़ना रोज़ शैतान दे नाल बंदया
ते कदी नफ़्ज़ अपने लरया नहीं।
आखें पीड़ बुल्लेह शाह आस्मानी पढ़नाए
जेड़ा मन विच बस्दा नु पढ़या नहीं।।

नी मैं कम्लियां।।




Sunday, April 20, 2014

This..

.. is where I come from.

Mera desh, mera gaon.




One of the..

.. first 'fat' books that I ever read was Anna Karenina.. One of Mr. Tolstoys greatest book..

Dont know why this quote which I had read on the first page of that book if floating in my mind since morning..

It read, 'Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.'

Was having a discussion with my cousin today, and we talked of the book.. The story, if you know, has a complex structure to it.. Is laced with love, lust, deceit, honor, pride, poverty, opulence and grandeur and many many more things.. We were discussing how books from that era were remarkably similar and reflective of the oppressive times these writers lived in ... People like Tolstoy, Kundera .. never had it easy and it reflects in their stories of fiction... Some of the greatest stories ever told ..

Anyway, went for a run this morning and once again twisted my ankle and am bed bound for this long awaited, finally here, but crap bank holiday weekend. So typical.

I better learn to laugh at this.

Monday, March 31, 2014

Tagore by Ray

Came across this documentary film on Rabi Thakur made by Satyajit Ray.

Its really well made and informative.

Somewhere in the middle of the film they sing a song while on a protest march in Kolkata, marched in opposition to the idea of division of bengal. I really want to know what song is that. Its beautiful .. If anyone can figure it out, it will be great.

At times like these when there are a dearth of things to be proud of in India, these films help remember that India was once a great country.





Sunday, March 30, 2014

The hand that rocked the cradle..

For my mum and all the mothers of the world. 

No greater love than the love of a mother. 

I love you ma. 


Sunday, March 16, 2014

It's bright ..

.. These days. 

The sun has been paying us a visit and it's all nice and yellow. 

Strange how the weather can affect your mood and temperament. 

Feel like some sangria, some yummy food and some great company. 

:-). 

Monday, March 3, 2014

From Bhaijaan..


I  do not know why I am remembering this scene from the movie 'V for Vendetta', you might have watched it. The scene is when V makes a mockup prison for EVY where she gets this little letter written by a fellow prisoner, living across the cell.. you can read the letter here..http://www.shadowgalaxy.net/Vendetta/valerie.html ..
but these words echo in my mind for you.. excerpt here:

"I shall die here. Every last inch of me shall perish. Except one. 
An inch. It's small and it's fragile and it's the only thing in the world worth having. We must never lose it, or sell it, or give it away. We must never let them take it from us.
I don't know who you are. Or whether you're a man or a woman. I may never see you or cry with you or get drunk with you. But I love you. I hope that you escape this place. I hope that the world turns and that things get better, and that one day people have roses again."

Saturday, March 1, 2014

Treasures of my life..

Life has been a lot on the downside off late .. Spirits are low and I had started to so miss being in the midst of my peeps. Just then the mail man paid me a visit. Guess what it was, a box full of goodies -- pretty earrings, some candles, brilliant blue bangles AND the bestest gift ever -- a hand written letter with self done art work on the side and such a touching message on it. 

Thanks Suhi for making my day. There seriously aren't too many people like you in this world. Words fail me to describe how moved I am and how much this letter means to me at this point in my life. Friendship is the best relationship ever, and there is no one better than you to live upto the essence and beauty of this bond. You are the girl friend every girl should have! Hugs and kisses back. I miss you. 


True?






To be honest, I don't love it.. But sometimes it's important to do a tit for tat. People don't understand what they put you through until they are put through similar things. Unfortunate that in this process the emotional fatigue is so large that no amount of sleep helps you recover ... The worse part is that somewhere you still believe that with a bit more tenderness, it could have been something beautiful. That, is most painful. 

Sunday, February 23, 2014

I love

his art..

Burning me up inside..

Came across this song after ages..

To me its one of the most romantic songs of all time.. I remember the song used to send chills down my spine .. the desire, the longing, the passion used to make me feel that there could be nothing better than going through this feeling for someone, and for someone to feel that way for you. I used to be a believer..

Everything I ever believed in has slowly been squashed under the cruel feet of reality- God, Prayers, Romantic Love, fairness in the world.. Its all damned.

People who know you for years sit and judge you at the drop of a hat and threaten to walk out, people cheat, God gives a fluck, Romantic love comes with an expiry date, fair is just a word in the dictionary.

Its all dark.

I think I will just lastly quote a line from The Matrix Reloaded..

'Hope, it is the quintessential human delusion, simultaneously the source of your greatest strength, and your greatest weakness.'

Maybe thats the reason I carry on.


Thursday, February 20, 2014

Forgive or Ignore?


Arrogant or fair?

When I read articles like these, I can't decide whether I agree completely or not ... mainly because most of us contribute to the economy rather than exploiting it.. However it definitely makes me feel undesired in this city.


Saturday, February 15, 2014

Mystical Marrakech














Chain of love

Heard this song recently .. Loved it .. There is goodness in this world. There is lots to see and share. There is more to life than romance. There is more to life than '



Wednesday, February 12, 2014

I say a little prayer for me.

Place yourself in a pink bubble of light. Front and back, left and right, over and under. You are now in a coccoon of healing light. Keep your palm on the center of your heart and affirm that I love and accept myself just the way I am. I accept all of my qualities and attributes and faults. I count. I appreciate others in as many ways as I can. I am reborn in love. Today is the first day for the rest of my life. I surrender to nature. I am in peace. 

Affirm it to yourself. 

It's that time in my life when I need to turn to spirituality. 


Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Sunday, January 26, 2014

Us mand si musakaan ko kyon Khoon se nehla dia..

Is kadar tha bekhabar ke khamkha aazma liya.

Sau duaye bechkar maathe ka bojha pa liya.

Oh re bande. 

Aag ke chidkao se kyon aag bujhti hai nahi?

Yeh irada kyon kiya aur kahe ko apna liya? Maathe ka bojha pa liya. 

Oh re bande. 

Friday, January 24, 2014

From a book I am reading these days..

the last mughal by william dalrymple .. I don't agree to this of-course .. its just so funny.. bordering on being unbelievable!


Sunday, January 12, 2014

Last Tango In Paris


Just recently I went to the cinemas to watch not the latest Hollywood blockbuster, but a film from the yesteryears.. Last tango in Paris. A1972 brilliance. 

I had not heard of the film before, so I just did my usual verification - read the plot and checked the IMDB rating, and proposed going .. My partner in crime, K, being a bit more aware than me had heard about the film and agreed to join. 

After watching the film, I and K seamlessly drifted into having a very intuitive and interesting discussion about the film which led me to the idea to try and write about my film experience and also a bit around what we discussed. 

This film was strange. It bordered on the fact that it was not politically correct, it was not organised, nor was it logical .. It was real. It was what untamed life mostly looks like - raw, real, gray and harsh.

The film opened showing the protagonist Paul, 42, walk aimlessly under a noisy railway bridge. It gave a feeling that Paul is very disturbed and the cacophony within his head is resonating with the noise from the trains and is visibly unbearable to him. Soon after, he meets this young girl, Jeanne in a flat which both of them go to check out with a view of renting it for themselves. 

The apartment itself is quite symbolic, to a certain extent it presents the state of mind of Paul and Jeanne - very lived-in but still isolated, rustic, worn down but still strangely charming and mystical. At this point, Paul suddenly imposes himself on Jeanne and has impulsive, direct, unprepared, unceremonious and empty sex. I would not like to call it rape, because Jeanne did not seem to really resist it or even feel violated by the action later. It was almost like this was what they both needed at that moment -- some mindless sex. 

Paul demonstrates incomprehensible control over Jeanne and he says they will meet again in the same place and also tells her how their relationship will be -- nameless and without any identity. Jeanne accepts with a hint of adventure, reluctance and amusement -- understandable for a 20 year old iconoclast .. 

The film has an abundance of sex scenes but none of them seemed romantic to me, it was almost like an activity which helped them deal with their internal turbulence -- almost like a vent to their internal turmoil. All through they both seemed extremely comfortable around eachother -- making strange and funny noises, staying naked, talking about unnatural sexual fantasies ..  all this seemed possible partly because they had nothing to hide, nothing to prove or nothing to lose.  The thought of a relationship like this just fills you with a feeling of liberation, of actually renouncing identity -- to not have a face or a name or any belongingness. 

Most people, atleast I struggle with balancing morals with desire and individuality. For me what Jeanne was doing with Paul was grossly unfair and immoral since she was due to be married in 2 weeks, and her fiance had no clue of what was going on.  Having said that, morals are man made and they are not scientific -- so what is immoral to me, may be moral to someone else, and visa versa. I think it takes great courage and self-love to transcend rules and do things solely for personal desires -- that could be joyous or masochistic.. whatever it is, it is very selfish. 

I am not of the opinion that being selfish is bad, or unessential, or that it is not in fact sometimes harder to be selfish than to be selfless  -- because you need to be able to face yourself everyday in the mirror and still believe in the person that you are -- this surely is not easy for  people who care more about themselves. Also, in the longer run, unless an activity or a relationship does not give you what you personally desire, it will sooner or later fall apart. Okay, so I just realised that I am drifting from the film and entering into a different discussion altogether .. :- ) .. Coming back to the film ..It was interesting to note that in the film, the woman was shown naked most times in the apartment - it seemed to be symbolic of the fact that she was aware of her sexual power, was more confident and had lesser desire/reasons to hide to protect herself from anything, as against the man who seemed to be dealing with greater hurt and was more deeply vulnerable? I don't know.. 'K' made an interesting observation -- he thought that Pauls idea and restraint in wanting to know anything about the woman was seeding from the fact that he did not want to deal with any more deceive or lies. Hence avoided the whole situation altogether. Its an interesting point.. 

The only point in the film which I thought could qualify to rape was the sodomy scene .. Jeanne did not seem to enjoy what she was going through. Having said that, I also faintly think that she probably needed to go through the violation to let go of her trapped feelings and acknowledge the reality of the situation .. This incident was followed by her running away from her fiance afer her wedding dress trail session and then confessing her love to Paul.. where she says she would do 'anything' for him to prove her love for him.. At this point, I feel that the restrained Paul felt that he was unable to maintain the 'no-emotion-involved' stance of the relationship -- it made Paul aware that even though he did want this relationship to not mean anything emotional, but it still transcended his own rules. 

The very next day Paul unceremoniously disappears from the apartment and Jeanne, not knowing anything about him, had no way of contacting him .. It was like a hard stop to their relationship. Jeanne goes back to her original life until Paul resurfaces -- under the same bridge and runs upto Jeanne disclosing her his name.  

This is followed up with some crazy drunk tango where he confesses that he loves her too but Jeanne, over the course of the evening realized that she had moved far away from this man. She displayed fear of him following her around like a man madly in love until they reach Jeannes mothers flat and she reaches out to her fathers gun and pulls the trigger on him.

The ending to the film was a bit shocking to me -- i was unprepared. The murder did not seem like one that was being done in cold blood, but the lies she said later (presumably to the police) that she had no idea who the man was, and that the man was trying to rape her and she killed him in self defence is ironic .. Its ironic because Pauls dead wife also lied to him which in conjunction with her death drove him to being what he was when he started seeing Jeanne, and now again the woman he came to love betrayed him with her lies. 

This film, from the start to the end, showed untreated and crude emotions. It did not try to make anything seem prettier or more acceptable than what it was. It had the audacity and heroism to question ethics, to give selfish love a space and acceptance in the world. It had the courage to expose that people are people in the end of the day. 

The film is fearless. And I loved it for that. 

Not to mention my company for the film, K made it more interesting -- from giggling in the cinema, to getting cutely annoyed at the narrator who was almost being a spoiler, to the very engaging discussion on the film and eventually a great dinner at a restaurant which we thought had disappeared and we walked 5 times up and down the south bank trying to locate it just to later remember that we had to take the stairs up the waterloo bridge.... :-) 

What life you lead if you donít lead a life you love?