Hurt the Pain

Its ok to fall out of love.

Has it ever happened that sometimes when you pursue something / someone for so long that you eventually start feeling that you don’t need it anymore?

Slowly the truth seeps in, though quite disbelievingly, that at one point of time when you thought that there was no way you could do without this one thing in your life, now does not affect you.

That sometimes a tiny gesture or even the feeling of possessing it gave you an adrenalin rush but now slowly you cease to feel it.

Not that you don’t feel any thing about it anymore, but its just that it hurts more than it feels nice. Not the thought but the retropection still brings goose pimples on your skin. You feel the slitting pain - like blood gushing out of a deep wound when your skin is pale and cold. Like its drops of blood on a satin white sheet. And you see your life dreams shatter away.

You get disillusioned – you are not sure if you would want to have the desire again, if you would feel the same child like excitement for it again, ever in your life.

But the only constant part of life is that it moves on. It goes on and on, irrespective of how wrecked you feel – how weak you think you have become.

As Robert Frost wrote in a very famous poem of his, “And I have miles to go, before I sleep”.

Whatever happens, happens for a reason - LoL

More on the teachings of the Bhagwat Gita,

It says,

“"You have control over doing your respective duty, but no control or claim over the result. Fear of failure, from being emotionally attached to the fruit of work, is the greatest impediment to success because it robs efficiency by constantly disturbing the equanimity of mind." A farmer is responsible for working his land yet has no control over the harvest. But, if he does not work his land he cannot expect a harvest. "The boundary of one's jurisdiction ends with the completion of one's duty. Do your duty to the best of your ability, O Arjuna, with your mind attached to the Lord, abandon worry and attachment to the results. Remain calm in both success and failure. Such selfless service brings peace and equanimity of mind." (2.48)”

Now, I would take the liberty to question it by asking if it is that we are told not to think of the result and act that would mean that we don’t have a vision and that we don’t know what we are getting into. It means we are doing something with no love/desire for the goal. And is it not human that if we are not passionate about what we want to do / what we are doing, we would not do it well.

It means about accepting whatever we get – even if we do or do not deserve it – that again disillusions the concept of “a fair world” of the “reap what you sow” concept. Why is it that we are treating ourselves like children? Its like we are giving ourselves some condolence by telling ourselves that ‘whatever happened for good’. God damn it!! Is it so difficult to realize that its one of the grossest thing someone can say? No tragedy can be condoled by saying that it happened for good and that one day we will know that even this tragedy had a reason. Oh come on!!

Cut me and I wont bleed?

"A disciplined person, enjoying sense objects with senses that are under control and free from attachment and aversion, attains tranquility. (2.64) An uncontrolled mind distracts the intellect as a storm sways a ship from its path. (2.67) A person who is not disturbed by the incessant flow of desire, that enter the mind, like rivers into an ocean which is ever being filled but is not disturbed by the rivers, can alone achieve peace, not the one who strives to satisfy such desires. (2.70)

Self-realization is to know one's relationship with the Supreme Lord and His true transcendental nature. A Self-realized person does not need rituals to reach God."

The above is picked up from the 2nd chapter of the Bhagwat Gita. Time and again I have been told that the road to peaceful existence is about renunciations – about giving up your desires. If one needs to give up desires that means he has to design himself to stop feeling and if that it what the wise have to say, then what good would be a human being vs a robot?

I am really not convinced by this style of living. And talking of ‘Nothing can move me’ attitude, well I can’t believe that for any normal human being, that there is absolutely no one that he loves. Difficult to even contemplate, forget practicing it.

And we talk of Discrimi-n.a.t.i.o.n

So we awe and make a hue and cry about a fellow Indian being ill-treated and belittled in the country of the whites, are we forgetting something that we practice ourselves in our very own lives. It’s like talking of cleaning the streets when your own house is filthy.

Ok, wondering what I am talking of?? I can be more than sure that almost every Indian has a little something for a fair skin. Come on now; don’t nod your head laterally. If you have not done it yourself, you must either be on the side where there is shade or you may be the kind of person who has the right to flex your neck muscle just till you read the next few lines. Ok, so u don’t lust at the fairer skin and you don’t take a second glance at the lighter tone – lemme believe you. But now think a little more and tell me if anyone from your close circle of friends mocked someone for the way god made him/her, or your mum thought a prospect alliance was not suitable enough for you because she was not light enough for you. And when that happened, what did you do? Did you whack your friend or did you take the pain to correct your mum? I think, NO. So, now can I see those oscillating heads slow down? And if you are still nodding your head left and right, then its nice to have you in this planet, for people like you make this world a better place to live in.

Discrimination is there everywhere. Discrimination is to an extent necessary – but then again it depends what you are discriminating against. Intelligent discrimination is about choosing the company you would like to keep on the basis of mental frequency, intellectual compatibility and definitely not based on skin tone, appearance, wealth, profession and definitely not because of nationality.

All of us learn – I cant say that I never discriminated ever since I was born – ofcourse I did. May be I still do at some places, but what I am learning is that baseless, unnecessary, absurd and cheap. It’s a disgrace to your own intellect and humanism. A man is known by the company he keeps. And if the company is colorful, it yells back aloud.

I hate Love??

Have u ever been in love?
Horrible, isnt it.
It makes u vulnerable, it opens up your chest and it opens up ur heart and it means someone can get inside u and mess u up.
You build up all these defences. You build up this armor for years, so nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life.
You give them a piece of you, they don’t ask for it. They do something dumb one day like kiss you or smile at you and then your life isnt your own anymore.
Love takes hostages, it gets inside you. It eats you up and leaves you crying in the darkness, so a single phrase like “its over” or “I don’t love you anymore” turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart and gut.
How picturesque.
It hurts. Not just in the imagination, not just in the mind. It’s a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain.
Nothing should be able to do that. Especially not love.
I hate love.

---- Niel Gaiman